Full time opportunity in Pittsburgh area for helpdesk/desktop support specialist

Today I got an email from someone who we'll call...Lolcat. He didn't catch on too quickly...

Lolcat to Me

Hello Mark,

How are you? I hope all is well with your job search activities. Currently I have a full time opportunity in Pittsburgh area for helpdesk/desktop support specialist.

Please let me know by replying or call me if you are available and interested. Thank you.

Me to Lolcat

Do I know you?

Lolcat to Me

No! However that is my objective as a career development consultant. Are you available and interested?

Me to Lolcat

What is your objective? To know me? I'm not looking for new friends, thanks.

Lolcat to Me

LOL! You’re funny. My job is to help you find a better opportunity. As for me, it does not hurt to have another friend.

Me to Lolcat

In that case, I'd like a job where it pays a ton, has objectives that can't be accurately measured, and allows me to telecommute.

Unfortunately, I have limited opportunities on my end for new friends. Unless you are Batman, The Punisher, Ghost Rider, or Darth Vader (and can show demonstrable mastery of The Force), I'm all full up.