Your personal invitation

OK, so this isn't a job recruiter but still the same vein. I obscured the name of the school but the number of dashes is correct. Play Hangman and see if you get it right!

Dear Mark,

Your credentials caught the attention of my admissions team at the W---------d School of Management at ---- ------- ------- University, and I'm personally inviting you to apply for admission to one of our graduate programs.

To make your application process as streamlined as possible, I encourage you to apply with our Innovative Leaders Application, reserved for the students we find most promising. Your elite status means you'll receive great advantages when you apply online now:

• A waived application fee
• Priority admission decision
• A personalized application (it's already been started for you)
• Scholarship opportunities

Motivated, business-minded individuals like you are just the type of students who thrive at W---------d. Jump-start your career in management and apply for one of our innovative business degrees.

I look forward to reviewing your Innovative Leaders Application soon, Mark.

Dear M,

I'm glad my credentials caught your eye. I assume you must mean my GMAT scores, as lacking narcissistic outlets like Twitter or Facebook accounts, I generally don't go broadcasting my other credentials to the uninterested world at large. Speaking of my GMAT scores, as I took the test over a year ago, I can only assume that you have these "credentials" delivered to you by highly trained turtles. Contrary to the lies sown in childrens' books, "slow and steady" does not win the race. So, while I'm sure your turtles are dependable couriers and, given the longevity of many species thereof, probably long term employees, I would suggest you find a faster way to get test scores to use in unsolicited mailings.

Let me thank you as well for already starting my application for me. That makes the process of potentially piling on more crippling student loan debt all the quicker. In the future, if you'd like to get started on other forms for me, let me know and I can give you guys a ring when I'm next doing taxes or filling out forms at the doctors' office. As for the "priority admissions decision", I assume it goes something like "Can he qualify for loans? SWEET! Sign him up!" Furthermore, while I am intrigued by the opportunity to fill out the Innovative Leaders Application, I have instead already decided to pursue a graduate degree elsewhere. While they don't give exciting names to their Masters programs like C--- does, I privately call the course of studies I am going to undertake the "Guaranteed Employment Because the Subject Matter is Relevant and Not Trendy" program.

Thanks!